Sunday, April 15, 2007

Nibbles for Mayor! -- T-Shirts, Buttons, Bumper Stickers

I do sympathize with folks who have experienced the wrath of "Nibbles" our local, aggressive & rampaging adolescent elephant seal -- including the surfers, kayakers, dogs & little harbor seal pups who have been attacked by him. "Nibbles" received his nickname from one of his erstwhile victims -- a local surfer named Russell Willis.

For more information, please read Bob Norberg's article for the Santa Rosa Press Democrat, Nibbles outstays welcome.

Alas, my sick sense of humor has gotten the better of me. First of all, Mr. Willis' nickname, "Nibbles," totally cracks me up. I also found the challenge of creating an illustration of an elephant seal which could even be remotely appealing to be irresistable. Hence, I have illustrated & designed "Nibbles for Mayor" buttons, bumper stickers, & T-shirts & am selling them on the Internet at my new, online River Rattina store.

I asked a friend of mine who is a well-known surfer in the area but who has mellowed out (SLIGHTLY) since marrying his wife (who is also a close friend of mine) & having their daughter (a close friend of our daughter's), WHY his colleagues continue to surf at the mouth of the Russian River when they've known about Nibble's existence for years. He thought a moment & then replied, "These guys who are really into surfing ... if they get bitten by a shark & it isn't that bad, they'll go back."

I suppose this is more common than most of us would suspect. Royce Fraley -- another surfing cohort of my friend who also happens to be a close-by neighbor with a wife & kids -- was recently attacked by a great white shark while surfing & wound up in the hospital. The related article in the San Francisco Chronicle, Surfer reflects after shark encounter, describes Fraley's love & sense of responsibility for his wife & child, & desire to be more careful for their sakes.

This article totally made my heart melt, because I realized that there is also an underlying subtext: Mr. Fraley must love his family an awful lot if he is willing to consider the possibility of preserving his own life for the sake of maintaining the quality of theirs, even as the urgently reckless & insistent desire & need to master the waves -- regardless of the risks to his own mortality -- must surely continue beckoning him like an irresistible siren song to this very day. How long can he resist this ever-beckoning addiction?

And why IS Nibbles here & why has he come here from March-July or so for every year for 5 years? There's no elephant seal colony around here. Our eco-system is not set up for aggressive elephant seals. He considers this area to be his territory & defends it aggressively. Some folks theorize that Nibbles -- who is still an adolescent male & small compared to the adult males of his species -- cannot compete successfully for food & mates in a seal colony of his own kind & has hence wound up here as the local bully. Perhaps we can find him a mate & a new location & we'll all be happy.

But maybe not. Perhaps it's not so simple. A friend of mine told me about some radio talk show she listened to in which a Marine Biologist talked about studies on how deposits of neurotoxins in the ocean have disrupted life for marine mammals & caused them to become uncharacteristically aggressive, to abandon &/or eat their babies, etc.

Which makes me wonder ... how far are WE from abandoning or eating OUR young?

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

"Nibbles" the rogue elephant seal: the Russian River's new mascot

He's huge, weighs 2,000 pounds, moves across water & land with supernatural speed, & eagerly bites tourists, surfers, kayaks & dogs on an indiscriminately egalitarian basis. Perhaps this elephant seal -- who has been lurking around the mouth of the Russian River for the past five years & has been nicknamed "Nibbles" by a local surfer who was one of his victims -- should be officially proclaimed as the official mascot of the Western shores of the Russian River.

For more information on this rogue seal, please read Bob Norberg's article in yesterday's issue of the Press Democrat.

Sure, Nibbles attacks cute little harbor seal pups, local dogs, experienced surfers & stupid tourists with a cheerful disregard for conventional just war theory. We would need to hire a skillful public relations firm in order to rehabilitate his abysmal public approval ratings. Perhaps we could also raise funds for a bit of plastic surgery for Nibble's large & distinctively unattractive schnozz. Or, we could take pages from Barbra Streisand's & Jimmy Durante's books & celebrate Nibble's proboscis until it becomes a cultural icon in & of itself.

But seriously, I strongly believe that NObody would mess with us if we had Nibbles, the Maverick Elephant Seal on our side. Would the Powers-that-Be even DARE continue allowing Santa Rosa to dump its treated sewage into our river if we brought Nibbles to the committee meetings? No WAY! The mere sight of our beloved Mascot -- draped in jewels & silks, with His immense folds of blubber overflowing the flat-bed truck in which we have transported Him, complete with a full suite of exotically- & richly-clothed servants exclusively employed for the purpose of cooling Him with ostrich & peacock plumes, spritzing Him with spring-fed mineral water from Calistoga, & hand-feeding Him with choice bits of wild-caught fresh salmon -- would be enough to make our County overlords cower & genuflect before Him & make numerous concessions which would be desirous to residents of the Russian River.

If we River Rats & Rattinas desire public restrooms in our parks, cessation of sewage dumping into our River, housing for the homeless, & various other amenities, the County will grant Us our wishes or suffer the Consequences. For they all know that Nibbles is capricious & always hungry for blood sacrifices. The dog merely served as a light appetizer, & now the rich, white flesh of County Officials is within easy & tempting reach ... ONLY the discreet interventions of our local "Seal Whisperer" can avert the carnage ... IF the Seal Whisperer chooses to do so.

Mwah hah hah ...

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Rio Theater proclaimed "Splendid" by Via Magazine

Congratulations to the folks who run the local Rio Theater. Apparently, we River Rats & Rattinas not the only people who adore this friendly & wonderful little movie theater, which operates out of a quonset hut decorated with paintings of the Russian River & has the yummiest concession stand EVER (gourmet hot dogs from Don's Dogs, Boca burgers, pizza, popcorn with real butter, coffee, beer, wine, & a selection of teas, in addition to the usual sugary & carb-laden movie fare).

Josh Dale, who runs the Monte Rio Information Web site (a guide to businesses, events, local agencies, etc. in the charming Russian River town of Monte Rio) has just informed me that Via Magazine (AAA's monthly magazine) gave the Rio Theater a nice write-up about unique & cool movie theaters in the Western U.S., entitled Splendid Movie Theaters, in their March 2007 issue!

I am proud to have the Rio included in this pantheon of great historic movie theaters. Way to go!