R.I.P. Russian River Monthly

On April 17, 2009, Writers and staff for the "Russian River Monthly" received emails from General Manager Zelda Michaels announcing that the well-respected and much-loved 13-year-old local newspaper has folded. "This is a letter I hoped never to write," Ms. Michaels sadly acknowledges, and goes on to explain that the publisher (who has backed the paper as a silent partner and prefers to remain anonymous) pulled the plug because advertising goals have not been met and "anticipated sales would most likely continue to fall short". (NOTE: I strongly & vehemently disagree with this pessimistic assessment of the paper's future prospects!)

People close to the "Russian River Monthly" provide various theories regarding the cause of the publication's demise, including: The current recession, which has hit "Russian River Monthly" readers and advertisers particularly hard; Lack of "counter copies" which would would have delivered more ad views to well-heeled visitors; Stiff competition from the "West County Gazette" (which circulates in more affluent parts of the county, and can afford to charge less for ads because its publisher, Vesta Copestakes, is an amazing one-woman-show who employs no writers or staff), and; Lack of strong leadership and vision.

Observers also hint at acrimonious struggles amongst mutually hostile factions within the newspaper. The two most frequently-mentioned groups consist of: (1) People who feel that founding member and Managing Editor, John DeSalvio (aka "The Mayor of Guerneville"), is egotistical, irresponsible, and utterly impossible to work with; and (2) um ... John DeSalvio.

Although the departure of the "Russian River Monthly" for the local toxic landfill coincides with the departure of John DeSalvio for Burbank, CA (in the grand scheme of things, are these twain destinations truly so far apart?), these events are unrelated. Although Mr. DeSalvio has long served as the public face of our local newspaper and has made many important contributions, he is not actually the publisher (contrary to common belief) ... um ... unless he actually IS. The publisher IS anonymous, after all.

Personally, I'm sad to see the "Russian River Monthly" go. And not just because I'm losing my glamorous job as a human interest columnist and am now once again relegated to the drab role of "hausfrau".

Although I truly enjoy reading Ms. Copestakes' "The West County Gazette" & Johanna Lynch's "Russian River Times" & appreciate everything they do for our community, the "Russian River Monthly" was the only local paper that consistently provided high-quality reporting and objective journalism. The sort of quality you can only get by actually paying reporters, columnists, and editors to stay on top of things and go to all those bored (oops, I mean "board") meetings -- even if it is only a measly five cents per word.

I sure hope other local publishers can pick up the slack.

West County Buzz: My new monthly column for the “Russian River Monthly”

Woo hoo! My new "West County Buzz" column appears in the Russian River Monthly this month. Ugh! My new "West County Buzz" column got edited beyond recognition. Yeah, yeah, I'm overly prolix in my prose & my article weighed in just a few words over the word-limit allotted for my column space. Okay, a lot of words over the word-limit ...

*Sniff* Like any other writer, I feel utterly violated when my verbiage gets cut. Nonetheless, it's part of the game & I generally accept that. Especially since the editor, George Klineman, has good judgement. What I CANNOT accept is the COPY EDITOR randomly hacking off my first paragraph & thereby ruining my column. Yeah, everyone makes mistakes, & I've made some doozies in my time, & the copy editor usually does a good job, so I WILL get over it ...

In the meantime ... mwah ha ha ... Here is my revenge ... the original text of my upcoming column two days before you receive the paper, WITH the apparently offending first paragraph ...

WEST COUNTY BUZZ, February 2009

by Elisabeth Parker

WINDS OF CHANGE? Or is it the sound of the media’s collective flatulence as they fawn over Barack Obama? After whose inauguration, Representative Lynn Woolsey and her Washington colleagues toasted the new president at the Congressional Luncheon with Russian River bubbly from Korbel Champagne Cellars. Meanwhile Guerneville’s Tacqueria Tapatia served live inaugural coverage on a big-screen TV with their breakfast burritos …

Speaking of newly elected young whippersnappers facing major challenges, colleagues report that 5^th District Supervisor Efren Carrillo works 16-hour days, and doesn’t even drink coffee. “The favorite part of my job is knowing that I'll be playing a role in turning these challenges into opportunities,” says Carrillo, adding that, “The people I get to meet every day from all walks of life make this role very enjoyable.” His jam-packed schedule includes department briefings, meetings, communicating with constituents, speaking engagements, and site tours. “It’s amazing how we manage to fit that all in one day!” jokes Carrillo.

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW: Carrillo recently appointed Pamela Davis of North Bay Corporation (Sonoma County’s garbage and recycling company) as the new planning commissioner, while local builder and activist Tom Lynch amply fills the vacant Zoning Board seat. “Efren’s great!” declares Lynch. “He’s such a breath of fresh air.” Lynch looks forward to focusing on creating “green-collar” jobs, encouraging energy conservation and promoting environmental sustainability.

Carrillo believes that rural areas like the Russian River are “at times forgotten.” He declares, “One priority for the Russian River is to make certain that local government works for them. There are many issues that we can tackle,” including water management, environmental health, conservation of waterways and other natural resources, building a strong local economy, providing adequate mental health and medical services, and creating affordable housing.

TOUGH TIMES: Meanwhile, outgoing Planning Commissioner Rue Furch joins the ranks of the unemployed … On the River, when the going gets tough, the tough work at Safeway. Like Rio Nido contractor Stan Groth, who started in January. “I like the people, and the pay is good,” says Groth … Speaking of jobs, Dan Coshnear, author of the award-winning short story collection, “Jobs and Other Preoccupations”, is featured in this month’s “North Bay Bohemian”. “It’s nice to be recognized,” says Coshnear. He lives in Guerneville with his wife and two children.

WAR ON TERROR: The so-called “Guerneville Safeway Terrorist” called in sicko to work on Jan. 6^th and threatened to shoot everyone. Managers shut the down the store for four hours until the suspect, a 45-year old Cazadero resident and (presumably former) Safeway employee, was taken into custody …

Curiously, the suspect targeted his fellow employees instead of the evil corporate masterminds of Safeway’s diabolical plot to drive customers insane with ongoing price increases, out-of-stock items, and random product relocation. He reportedly sought revenge after a manager reprimanded him in front of coworkers. So WHY was he released on bail nine hours later? Sergeant KevinYoung from the Sheriff’s Department explains, “His fourth amendment rights allow him to make bail.”

MARCH ON WASHINGTON: Meanwhile, the Monte Rio School’s eighth grade class is raising money for their upcoming Washington DC trip. Julie DeCarly (Shelby’s mother) states, “We’ve got a jam-packed itinerary … It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.” Plans include visits to the Smithsonian, White House, Lincoln Memorial, and other attractions. But first, they need $20,000 …

“We’re a third of the way there,” says Allison Van Rillaer (Jocelyn’s mother), thanks to a flurry of fundraising events, including a successful New Year’s Eve bash at Duncans Mills’ newly re-opened Blue Heron, which raised $1300. Owner and fourth-generation local Jaime O’Bryan says he was glad to help. Dinner music, champagne and a one-night’s stay at the newly refurbished Timber Cove Inn for the silent auction were provided by Ralph and Michelle Higgins, Korbel Cellars, and general manager Kurt Piccilo.

ACT LOCALLY: Chuck Ramsey from the Monte Rio Community Alliance has good news for those concerned about the immense and unsightly pile of rubble blocking the Monte Rio’s Park and Ride and the entrance to Starrett Hill Drive. The Department of Transportation has made good progress since the retaining wall collapsed on Christmas Day due to heavy rains. “The [concrete] forms are up and Starrett Drive should be open by the end of March,” reports Ramsey, muttering, “It’s been a real pain getting home on Starrett Hill.” Apparently, the only other entrance is so narrow that drivers are required to do a three-point turn to get in and out … Alas, with the Park and Ride out of commission, carpooling isn’t an option.

MISCELLANEOUS TIDBITS: Valentine’s Day approaches and love is in the air … Or perhaps it’s the usual herbaceous aroma wafting from Kaya, Guerneville’s purveyors of coffee, tea & medicinal marijuana. Efren Carrillo looks forward to “spending Valentine’s Day at the Russian River Rotary’s Annual Crab Feed. I look forward to seeing many of you there!” Local celebrity Vira Burgerman (the California Mermaid) has moved her hair salon to downtown Guerneville. Rio Nido will soon have an organic community garden, thanks to a persistent band of neighbors and the Russian River Parks and Recreation department. Guerneville’s Kings and Queens vintage clothing shop is about to break Memories that Linger’s record for longest going-out-of-business sale ever. Last month, the “Going out of business sign” was joined by a smaller sign announcing, “Gone for Jan. Back in Feb.” Guerneville writer Lynn Millar exclaims, “I love that! We’re going out of business but now we need a month off!”

Valentine’s Day: The ideal romantic Date.

Speaking of Valentine's Day, an assortment of local personalities personalities have graciously shared their ideas of the “ideal romantic date” with Russian River Monthly readers:

• Efren Carrillo, 5^th District Supervisor: I’m spending Valentine’s Day at the Russian River Rotary’s Annual Crab Feed! I look forward to seeing many of you there! [Eeek! He's lucky he's not married!]
  
  
• Pamela Tinnan, Pastor, Guerneville Community Church: My favorite date with Zack [her husband] was when we stayed in Point Arena. We were in the hot tub on the beach drinking a glass of wine under the stars & had a view of the light house.
  
  
• Peter Andrews, KGGV FM DJ: I’d want to be in Paris sharing a meal in a bistro overlooking the Seine River.
  
  
• Valerie Hausman, Events Director, Russian River Chamber of Commerce: A picnic with a blanket & a picnic basket on a nice Indian summer day, feeding each other fresh grapes & strawberries.
  
  
• Owen Edwards, Entertainment Columnist & KGGV FM D.J.: I’d start by giving a knitting lesson, move on to a candle-light supper accompanied by a 2004 Merry Edwards [no relation] Pinot Noir, & finish with a triple cheesecake for dessert.
  
  
• John Blair, Photographer, Blair Studios: For guys, the ideal romantic date is whatever makes our significant other happy.
  
  
• Russian River Rattina, local blogger and dilettante: Dinner with my husband at Bert Rangel’s restaurant, the River’s End in Jenner, with a view of the ocean and a gorgeous sunset. Alas, I have champagne taste and beer bottle pockets.
  
  
• Lloyd Guccione, Community Activist: How about Mr. Bush and Mr. Bin Laden shaking hands and showing off a really big hug for the telly sitting in a nice kosher restaurant?

Ooh, we desperately need a Middle Eastern restaurant around here which serves affordable Kosher/Halal cuisine with locally-produced, organic ingredients & a drive-through so you can grab your falafel & hummos on the run. They'll call it Abdul Bernstein's Arab-Jewish Cafe & establish a new trend with their cutting-edge barbed wire decor. Lovely. Oh -- watch out for those pesky landmines.

What’s going on in your neighborhood? Please email Elisabeth Parker with news, gossip and tidbits at RussianRiverRattina @ gmail . com

Monte Rio sewer: money down the toilet?

According to intrepid (& highly knowledgeable, pleasant & witty in person) reporter Elise Roberts' February 1, 2007 article in the Russian River Monthly ("State grant moves MR sewer closer"), the California Department of Water Resources has approved a $3.5 million grant towards construction of the sewer plant, but the county has repeatedly refused Monte Rio resident Doreen Atkinson's requests for a public meeting (the usual lame excuses ... they're sending out a letter, they need to review bids first, blah blah blah). I probably don't need to go on & on about the content of this article, since you'll all be able to read it for yourselves when the Russian River Monthly arrives in our mail boxes sometime this week.

Now, I probably am not as well-informed as I should be, since I live in Rio Nido (where we already pay a whopping $800 assessment per year for the Guerneville sewer -- more than we were paying in the Bay Area) & have only been here for two years.

But I harbor strong doubts about whether the Monte Rio Sewer will ever get built & am not entirely convinced that it should get built, for the following reasons:

1. It's hideously expensive: The tax assessment for the sewer will be over $1000 per month per parcel (unit of real estate -- property taxes are either payed directly by property owners or passed on to tenants via rent) because the town only has something like 400 households & a handful of well-run & viable -- but not immensely wealthy & mostly family-run -- businesses amongst which to divvy up the costs (the Monte Rio Chamber of Commerce describes it as a "small community ... snuggled between the river and the redwood crested mountains."). Yegads ... unless the majority of Monte Rio denizens of my acquaintance merely act as though they work hard to make ends meet because their modesty & sense of noblesse-oblige prohibits them from flaunting their immense personal wealth, I know of very few -- if any -- people who can comfortably afford the extra $1K+ per year.
2. There doesn't seem to be much enthusiasm in Monte Rio: I hear that the measure for approving the sewer project only passed by 25 votes (out of 1,104 residents, 549 households, 233 households & 807 housing units, according to the Monte Rio entry in Wikipedia). Most of the people I know or have spoken with on this subject either respond by spewing coruscating torrents of vitriol at worst or express tepid approval or resignation at best. For example, a friend confessed to me that "we do spend close to that on our septic system anyway." That's the most positive thing I've heard any one say about the prospective sewer project. This makes me wonder ... who, exactly, is for the Monte Rio sewer project? Somebody has to be.
   
3. Problems with the proposed site: The county wants to locate the sewer treatment plant on the river-front portion of what is now Sheridan Ranch -- a beautiful, historic, ecologically-sensitive, & valuable (by the standards of environmentalists, real estate developers, businesses, & community activists alike), 20-acre property that extends from a long stretch of the river-front in the southern part of Monte Rio across River Road/116 & towards the East. Not only do significant segments of the community object, but the owners (who have listed the property for sale at $4 million) refuse to sell the river-front portion of their property to the County. I can only imagine that the eminent-domain-sale price did not appeal to them, plus, they surely must have anticipated that the presence of a sewer treatment plant along the river front would significantly devalue the remainder of their property. So far, the courts have sided with the owners of Sheridan Ranch. Even if the county succeeds in purchasing the proposed site, potential adverse environmental consequences & related studies could hold back development of the sewer for years & years.
   
4. Proposed costs keep escalating: While a myriad of disputes rage through the community of Monte Rio, the projected costs of building the proposed sewer system continue to increase exponentially. It doesn't seem to matter how much the sewer proponents manage to raise from state agencies & others ... the costs continue to escalate beyond reach.

Meanwhile, the entire community of Monte Rio struggles under the burdens imposed by what amounts to a building & remodeling moratorium, because septic systems cannot be constructed or upgraded. Financially strapped families cannot build a desperately-needed new bedroom or bathroom for their new children or aging in-laws. Businesses cannot set up or expand. Land, in effect, cannot be built upon & hence cannot be bought & sold. Monte Rio's formerly prosperous downtown (part of which was destroyed in a fire) remains blighted & buildings must be razed to the ground because their proximity to the river do not allow them to rebuild septic & plumbing systems that would conform to today's standards.

Do the County representatives hope to starve the residents & business people of Monte Rio into submission & subsequently hold them up as an example to the rest of us in Western Sonoma County? I suspect so, although I would prefer to think not. If they wished us well, they would encourage us to find & implement more creative solutions for our community's slow-growth needs.