West County Buzz, April 2009 (my column in the "Russian River Monthly"

West County Buzz, April 2009
by Elisabeth Parker

MY LAST "RUSSIAN RIVER MONTHLY" COLUMN !!!! ... SERIOUSLY ... READ MY FOLLOWING BLOG POST!

Too Good to Be True … On Apr. 1, 2009, Sonoma County Controller Rod Dole and the Board of Supervisors held a 9:00 a.m. press conference in front of the Employment Development Department (EDD) building in Santa Rosa to announce a moratorium on property taxes.

"Tough times call for tough choices." Dole proclaimed tearfully before a cheering throng of recently laid-off citizens filing unemployment claims. "Budget deficits have forced Sonoma County to cut back on tax collection services. For this, I deeply apologize from the bottom of my tiny, cold heart."

5th district supervisor Efren Carrillo elaborated, "My West County constituents demand innovative and cost-effective solutions to the complex economic and environmental challenges we face.”

April Fool! Alas, the County expects local residents to file and pay their taxes as usual.

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count, and those who can’t. Speaking of our tax dollars at work, nine local residents (who apparently believe themselves able to count) showed up at the Guerneville Library at 11:00 a.m. on March 3^rd to apply for $20 per hour jobs with the U.S. 2010 Census. These temporary positions require employees to go door to door and conduct interviews with anyone who happens to be home and isn’t brandishing a weapon.

First, Recruiter Robert Mitchell gave an overview of the job requirements and hiring process, then he passed out the rather lengthy application forms, which asked questions like whether applicants have served time in jail or held elective office (the former should apply for banking jobs). Catherine Young, a public relations consultant and member of the Russian River Redevelopment Oversight Committee (RRROC) asked, “Should I check ‘Yes’ here?” (for holding elective office, not serving time in jail). Alas, even Mitchell felt uncertain about whether serving on RRROC officially counts as holding an “elective office”.

Qualifications for census takers include a working vehicle, valid driver’s license, high scores on the 30-minute test, and the ability to correctly fill out copious quantities of forms. According to the www.2010Census.gov Web site, the Federal Government uses information gathered from households to allocate spending on public projects like roads, schools, public safety, parks, and housing. According to Mitchell, job-seekers with the highest test scores will be notified by the end of April. Since Young scored 98 out of a possible100 on the 30-minute, 28-question test, she’ll probably land one of these coveted jobs.

Exit, stage left … At least one person won’t be home when Young knocks on his door. Long-time resident John DeSalvio, who many folks regard as the suave and cheerful “Mayor of Guerneville”, will soon leave us after 28 years on the River. DeSalvio has served our community in various functions, including a recent stint on RRROC. He was also among the original founders of this publication when it launched 12 years ago, and continues contributing as managing editor, designer, and advertising sales representative.

I Left My Heart in … Downtown Burbank? DeSalvio cheerfully explains that he’s moving to Burbank, CA to join his boyfriend, Ross, and to pursue a new career in screenwriting, playwriting, and doing voice-overs. “I’m working with a few people on various projects,” notes DeSalvio, but can’t reveal anything more due to those pesky non-disclosure agreements. Friends can bid DeSalvio farewell at his 68^th birthday bash on May 8^th at Main Street Station in downtown Guerneville. For a modest cover charge of $5.00, the evening’s entertainment features DeSalvio singing pop standards and Broadway show tunes, and performances from other local talent including Kit Mariah and Lois Pearlman.

Outdoor Barbecue, rain or shine … Apparently, Vesta Copestakes of Forestville isn’t the only Russian River resident who revels in rain. On Saturday March 21, about 20 neighbors in Rio Nido gathered at Bruno Farnocchia Memorial Park at 4:00 p.m. for a potluck, barbecue and marshmallow roast in the pouring rain! Thanks to the tarps, which Domenic Farnocchia (the deceased Bruno’s grandson) and Matt Bedford cleverly hung from trees prior to the event, the majority of celebrants stayed reasonably dry. Notable exceptions consisted of local children, who – fueled with immense quantities of sugar after consuming burnt marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers – frolicked around the adjacent playground and shallow creek. “This is fun. We definitely needed to do this,” concluded Farnocchia.

Blast from the past: Here on the Russian River, even our water agency’s utilitarian booster station (which pumps our water supply uphill) in Guernewood Park has a colorful past. When asked why locals call the booster station “Handy Andy’s”, Sweetwater Springs Board Member Gaylord Schapp explained, “A handy man named Andy used to live there for years, above George’s Hideaway. He was a colorful character with lots of kids.” Since then, a fire destroyed the house. Handy Andy was also a popular toy tool kit from the 1950’s, which now fetches $69.99 and up on eBay. Later, “Handy Andy” evolved into a slang expression for poor or generic workmanship, similar to today’s “Home Depot Nouveau”.

West County Buzz: My new monthly column for the “Russian River Monthly”

Woo hoo! My new "West County Buzz" column appears in the Russian River Monthly this month. Ugh! My new "West County Buzz" column got edited beyond recognition. Yeah, yeah, I'm overly prolix in my prose & my article weighed in just a few words over the word-limit allotted for my column space. Okay, a lot of words over the word-limit ...

*Sniff* Like any other writer, I feel utterly violated when my verbiage gets cut. Nonetheless, it's part of the game & I generally accept that. Especially since the editor, George Klineman, has good judgement. What I CANNOT accept is the COPY EDITOR randomly hacking off my first paragraph & thereby ruining my column. Yeah, everyone makes mistakes, & I've made some doozies in my time, & the copy editor usually does a good job, so I WILL get over it ...

In the meantime ... mwah ha ha ... Here is my revenge ... the original text of my upcoming column two days before you receive the paper, WITH the apparently offending first paragraph ...

WEST COUNTY BUZZ, February 2009

by Elisabeth Parker

WINDS OF CHANGE? Or is it the sound of the media’s collective flatulence as they fawn over Barack Obama? After whose inauguration, Representative Lynn Woolsey and her Washington colleagues toasted the new president at the Congressional Luncheon with Russian River bubbly from Korbel Champagne Cellars. Meanwhile Guerneville’s Tacqueria Tapatia served live inaugural coverage on a big-screen TV with their breakfast burritos …

Speaking of newly elected young whippersnappers facing major challenges, colleagues report that 5^th District Supervisor Efren Carrillo works 16-hour days, and doesn’t even drink coffee. “The favorite part of my job is knowing that I'll be playing a role in turning these challenges into opportunities,” says Carrillo, adding that, “The people I get to meet every day from all walks of life make this role very enjoyable.” His jam-packed schedule includes department briefings, meetings, communicating with constituents, speaking engagements, and site tours. “It’s amazing how we manage to fit that all in one day!” jokes Carrillo.

OUT WITH THE OLD, IN WITH THE NEW: Carrillo recently appointed Pamela Davis of North Bay Corporation (Sonoma County’s garbage and recycling company) as the new planning commissioner, while local builder and activist Tom Lynch amply fills the vacant Zoning Board seat. “Efren’s great!” declares Lynch. “He’s such a breath of fresh air.” Lynch looks forward to focusing on creating “green-collar” jobs, encouraging energy conservation and promoting environmental sustainability.

Carrillo believes that rural areas like the Russian River are “at times forgotten.” He declares, “One priority for the Russian River is to make certain that local government works for them. There are many issues that we can tackle,” including water management, environmental health, conservation of waterways and other natural resources, building a strong local economy, providing adequate mental health and medical services, and creating affordable housing.

TOUGH TIMES: Meanwhile, outgoing Planning Commissioner Rue Furch joins the ranks of the unemployed … On the River, when the going gets tough, the tough work at Safeway. Like Rio Nido contractor Stan Groth, who started in January. “I like the people, and the pay is good,” says Groth … Speaking of jobs, Dan Coshnear, author of the award-winning short story collection, “Jobs and Other Preoccupations”, is featured in this month’s “North Bay Bohemian”. “It’s nice to be recognized,” says Coshnear. He lives in Guerneville with his wife and two children.

WAR ON TERROR: The so-called “Guerneville Safeway Terrorist” called in sicko to work on Jan. 6^th and threatened to shoot everyone. Managers shut the down the store for four hours until the suspect, a 45-year old Cazadero resident and (presumably former) Safeway employee, was taken into custody …

Curiously, the suspect targeted his fellow employees instead of the evil corporate masterminds of Safeway’s diabolical plot to drive customers insane with ongoing price increases, out-of-stock items, and random product relocation. He reportedly sought revenge after a manager reprimanded him in front of coworkers. So WHY was he released on bail nine hours later? Sergeant KevinYoung from the Sheriff’s Department explains, “His fourth amendment rights allow him to make bail.”

MARCH ON WASHINGTON: Meanwhile, the Monte Rio School’s eighth grade class is raising money for their upcoming Washington DC trip. Julie DeCarly (Shelby’s mother) states, “We’ve got a jam-packed itinerary … It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.” Plans include visits to the Smithsonian, White House, Lincoln Memorial, and other attractions. But first, they need $20,000 …

“We’re a third of the way there,” says Allison Van Rillaer (Jocelyn’s mother), thanks to a flurry of fundraising events, including a successful New Year’s Eve bash at Duncans Mills’ newly re-opened Blue Heron, which raised $1300. Owner and fourth-generation local Jaime O’Bryan says he was glad to help. Dinner music, champagne and a one-night’s stay at the newly refurbished Timber Cove Inn for the silent auction were provided by Ralph and Michelle Higgins, Korbel Cellars, and general manager Kurt Piccilo.

ACT LOCALLY: Chuck Ramsey from the Monte Rio Community Alliance has good news for those concerned about the immense and unsightly pile of rubble blocking the Monte Rio’s Park and Ride and the entrance to Starrett Hill Drive. The Department of Transportation has made good progress since the retaining wall collapsed on Christmas Day due to heavy rains. “The [concrete] forms are up and Starrett Drive should be open by the end of March,” reports Ramsey, muttering, “It’s been a real pain getting home on Starrett Hill.” Apparently, the only other entrance is so narrow that drivers are required to do a three-point turn to get in and out … Alas, with the Park and Ride out of commission, carpooling isn’t an option.

MISCELLANEOUS TIDBITS: Valentine’s Day approaches and love is in the air … Or perhaps it’s the usual herbaceous aroma wafting from Kaya, Guerneville’s purveyors of coffee, tea & medicinal marijuana. Efren Carrillo looks forward to “spending Valentine’s Day at the Russian River Rotary’s Annual Crab Feed. I look forward to seeing many of you there!” Local celebrity Vira Burgerman (the California Mermaid) has moved her hair salon to downtown Guerneville. Rio Nido will soon have an organic community garden, thanks to a persistent band of neighbors and the Russian River Parks and Recreation department. Guerneville’s Kings and Queens vintage clothing shop is about to break Memories that Linger’s record for longest going-out-of-business sale ever. Last month, the “Going out of business sign” was joined by a smaller sign announcing, “Gone for Jan. Back in Feb.” Guerneville writer Lynn Millar exclaims, “I love that! We’re going out of business but now we need a month off!”

Valentine’s Day: The ideal romantic Date.

Speaking of Valentine's Day, an assortment of local personalities personalities have graciously shared their ideas of the “ideal romantic date” with Russian River Monthly readers:

• Efren Carrillo, 5^th District Supervisor: I’m spending Valentine’s Day at the Russian River Rotary’s Annual Crab Feed! I look forward to seeing many of you there! [Eeek! He's lucky he's not married!]
  
  
• Pamela Tinnan, Pastor, Guerneville Community Church: My favorite date with Zack [her husband] was when we stayed in Point Arena. We were in the hot tub on the beach drinking a glass of wine under the stars & had a view of the light house.
  
  
• Peter Andrews, KGGV FM DJ: I’d want to be in Paris sharing a meal in a bistro overlooking the Seine River.
  
  
• Valerie Hausman, Events Director, Russian River Chamber of Commerce: A picnic with a blanket & a picnic basket on a nice Indian summer day, feeding each other fresh grapes & strawberries.
  
  
• Owen Edwards, Entertainment Columnist & KGGV FM D.J.: I’d start by giving a knitting lesson, move on to a candle-light supper accompanied by a 2004 Merry Edwards [no relation] Pinot Noir, & finish with a triple cheesecake for dessert.
  
  
• John Blair, Photographer, Blair Studios: For guys, the ideal romantic date is whatever makes our significant other happy.
  
  
• Russian River Rattina, local blogger and dilettante: Dinner with my husband at Bert Rangel’s restaurant, the River’s End in Jenner, with a view of the ocean and a gorgeous sunset. Alas, I have champagne taste and beer bottle pockets.
  
  
• Lloyd Guccione, Community Activist: How about Mr. Bush and Mr. Bin Laden shaking hands and showing off a really big hug for the telly sitting in a nice kosher restaurant?

Ooh, we desperately need a Middle Eastern restaurant around here which serves affordable Kosher/Halal cuisine with locally-produced, organic ingredients & a drive-through so you can grab your falafel & hummos on the run. They'll call it Abdul Bernstein's Arab-Jewish Cafe & establish a new trend with their cutting-edge barbed wire decor. Lovely. Oh -- watch out for those pesky landmines.

What’s going on in your neighborhood? Please email Elisabeth Parker with news, gossip and tidbits at RussianRiverRattina @ gmail . com

Why I support Jim Maresca for 5th District Supervisor

"How now? A rat? Dead, for a ducat, dead!"
William Shakespeare, Hamlet, III, IV, 23

If you’ve ever tried to deal with the Permits & Resources (mis)Management Department for a minor home repair or alteration; attempted to start a business; or asked the Sheriff to come by & nicely ask those people at the playground to please put their pit bulls on leashes while the children are playing, you’ve probably noticed that something is really, REALLY wrong with how Sonoma County manages things (or doesn’t).

Sniff, sniff. River Rattina smells a rat … oops, never mind … that was me.

The election for 5^th District County Supervisor is coming up in June. Since we River Rats & Rattinas happen to live in the 5^th District, this is an awfully important election. We need to choose Mike Reilly’s successor wisely. For starters, our District Supervisor will have a major say in how all of those Russian River Redevelopment dollars are spent. In fact, the Sonoma County Board of Supervisors is largely responsible for managing & allocating the County budget, which WE all pay for with our taxes.

NOTE TO TENANTS: If you think that property taxes don’t affect you, then think again. You pay your share of property taxes into our community (& possibly your landlord’s, too) with your monthly rent checks.

We need someone who is aware of the unique issues & challenges we face, & who can advocate our interests with persistence & effectiveness. Given the state of our County’s budget, we desperately need someone with a combination of public advocacy, business & management skills to get us through this difficult economic period & to support policies, processes, & projects which are fair, transparent, & which will encourage future prosperity for the River.

After considerable thought, research, & internal debate, I decided that for me, this person is Jim Maresca.

This was a hard decision for me, because we are blessed with an excellent & well-qualified group of candidates this year. Jim Maresca, Rue Furch, Tom Lynch, & Maddie Hirschfield all have impressive resumes, long histories of public service, & good intentions. I have commented on my views of other candidates & why I decided not to support them at the end of this article.

For published statements of these four candidates’ views, courtesy of Vesta Copestakes & the West County Gazette, please download the following PDF files:

• Jim Maresca & Maddie Hirschfield
  
• Rue Furch & Tom Lynch
  

I support Jim Maresca because he is a highly committed, experienced, & competent individual who lives with his wife Sandra here in Guerneville (previously in Jenner) & hence understands & cares about issues that affect folks like us who live in West County along the Russian River. He has lots of community & non-profit experience with environmental, youth, & social issues in our area, & also has substantial business, executive, & management experience. As a parent, I particularly appreciate his work with & advocacy for youth, because I believe that we (both the County & society at large) are failing our young people.

Mr. Maresca is the only candidate with a combination of non-profit, public advocacy, & business experience. He has been a prime mover for various local environmental, community, & youth organizations over the years, but he also has experience with managing, budgeting, developing processes, creating technologies, raising capital, & achieving positive results for major & cutting-edge businesses.

Sonoma County is struggling with finances & declining tax revenues, & needs somebody who is innovative & who wants the powers-that-be in Sonoma County to take a more pragmatic & customer-oriented approach. Mr. Maresca sees folks like us as being the “customers” (after all, we do pay for County services), & wants us to have a say in how things are done & how our money is spent.

Mr. Maresca plans to give us a stronger voice & encourage community involvement by renting space & keeping office hours in various towns throughout the 5^th District (including Guerneville, Rio Nido, Monte Rio, Jenner, Bodega Bay, & parts of Santa Rosa) on a regular basis so we – as individuals or as representatives from community organizations – can meet with him about concerns on a regular basis. He also understands the importance of transparency, processes, & technology.

Quite frankly, I would LOVE to elect someone who “gets” technology & understands why the Community Development Commission shouldn’t use Microsoft Excel spreadsheets for maintaining mailing lists & voter records for the Russian River Redevelopment area. No wonder the ballots for the recent RRROC election got messed up (the election was saved by a group of dedicated volunteers & ballot watchers). When I think of the hours & resources wasted by such archaic procedures, my inner Klingon programmer shrieks, “GAGH!”

For more information about Jim Maresca visit http://www.jimforsupervisor.com

Now, for those of you who are still reading this, here’s my take on the other candidates:

• Tom Lynch: (note to Tom, I’m SO sorry!) I absolutely ADORE Mr. Lynch – he’s a sincere, kind, well-informed person who (like Mr. Maresca) lives here on the River. He is a passionate & outspoken advocate for the environment, affordable housing, & other local issues. Additionally, Mr. Lynch truly has a flair for the dramatic & humorous. His “Manure Man” exploit (when he rented a manure spreader & covered downtown Santa Rosa with cow patties to protest their illegal sewer discharges back in 1986) was insanely brilliant
  
  But honestly, I feel that Mr. Lynch’s considerable talents would be totally wasted on the Board of Supervisors. I often feel that they’re also wasted on RRROC. It’s like that thing Barack Obama said about having the hope sucked out of you if you work within the establishment for too long (alas, I can neither remember or locate the original quote).
  
  I’d like to see Mr. Lynch contact Michael Moore, get some grants, & do some serious guerilla political theater & satire, & perhaps even make a documentary. His articulate, affable & humorous persona would be perfectly suited for this form of advocacy & public consciousness-raising.
  

• Rue Furch: I seriously considered her & she has an excellent record on our core issues. Until that whole property tax flap came to light. I do sympathize (my husband & I have had financial problems too), I just don't want her managing our budget. In addition to my previously posted views in She'll Rue (Furch) the Day, I resent the fact that she & her supporters think it’s okay for her to be seven years behind on her property taxes & installment plan because her good deeds & public service are worth far more than that. Hmph. If that’s the case, then, ALL of the people who do volunteer work in our community should be excused, or at least have a rich crony to bail them out of their financial messes with a low-interest loan.
  
  
• Maddie Hirschfield: This may come across as overly small-minded, but she simply comes across as too Sebastopol-ish for me. She’s an accomplished & sincere public advocate, but I’m looking for someone who can represent a broader segment of our community.
  
  
• Dan Kahane: Ummm ... Who?

Yeah, folks like Mr. Lynch, Ms. Furch, & Ms. Hirschfield like to shake things up & heaven knows, the County needs some shaking up. But we also need someone who can work with the other district supervisors & present our issues from a more rational & business-like perspective so the other supervisors won't keep voting our interests down.